Helpful Fear
Fear isn’t the villain it’s made out to be. But if we don’t use our minds to recognize fearful experiences about real threats from false threats, we can end up with knee-jerk reactions to situations that are due either to improper perception in the present (á la mistaking a stick for a snake in the road) or past memories being triggered in the present. The latter is called fear conditioning and is why fear gets such a bad rap. We might also form beliefs based on our fear reactions. Sometimes these are helpful, sometimes not. If fear helps us avert real, in-the-moment danger, it’s helpful.
When fear merely causes us to react unnecessarily in the present (when we are not truly in danger now) because the present reminds us of a similar scary situation in the past (PTSD), then fear is largely unhelpful (except perhaps for signaling to us that we need some help). For example, we might believe that all rustling in the bushes means trouble. Or, if someone’s anger hurt us n the past, we might fear anger and believe it is only bad and never helpful. Or if our partner breaks an agreement or disregards us, we might fear that they will definitely hurt us in the same way again.
These distorted fear responses narrow our world, lead to false beliefs about reality and to knee jerk reactions that limit our joy. If, however, we use good thinking to notice this unconscious joining of past fear to present reactivity, and thereby work through and/or reframe our unconscious beliefs and emotional reactions, we can heal and better manage this aspect of emotional experience and the problems it causes.
Because fear creates these apprehensions and unconscious avoidances, many denigrate or make fear a villain, just as they do the mind. Indeed, some say fear is the opposite of love, or can’t exist in the face of love. This is not true. Neurotic fear — learned historical fear acting up in the face of current non-threats that only remind us of the past — can actually prevent us from opening to love in the present. But helpful fear in response to real or realistic threats helps us love ourselves and one another by safeguarding what we care for, such as our health, survival, clean air, and fresh water! And protecting our children and human rights.
Fear inspires us to act [fight, flight, fawn (play possum), or freeze], so to cherish life, so that we can allay anxiety, which is the perpetuation of fear we can’t manage. When we ignore healthy fear, we deny our love of life by risking our lives to inaction in the face of danger, and by not being able to act with kindness and care. When we embrace fear, or at least welcome, allow, and get a little closer to it, we can discern its helpful from unhelpful aspects. This way we employ its wisdom to protect what we love. Emotion, after all, almost always has valuable information for us, and when we deny any emotion we can miss the message and perpetuate suffering.
In sum, to throw the helpful aspects of fear out with the bathwater of neurotic fear is as big a mistake as considering the mind to be useless in love and emotional experience. Again, conscious fear in relation to real threats, or likely threats, helps us prepare for the future, for action, and should not be tossed out with our neurotic, unrealistic fears, and considered bad or demonized. This distances us from fear and allows it to wreak havoc irresponsibly, unnoticed, and unconsciously. A prime example is not embracing helpful, appropriate fear (which can merely look like concern) of the coronavirus, and further not wearing a mask or social distancing.
For this reason it’s especially crucial to review our reactions to events that cause us to react rather than respond. We might consider recruiting our brain’s neocortex (witness consciousness or plain awareness) to respond to emotional stimuli in order to moderate or reality-check the belief/s that support our emotional reactions. Our neocortex is the evolutionarily newest and upper-most portion of our brains where critical thinking happens, representing yet another helpful use of good thinking for healing and for loving.
We can’t control our initial physiological fear reactions because they are hardwired through our sympathetic nervous system. Anxiety can persist regardless of what we consciously realize. In such cases, we might have to recruit other resources and get support such as therapy, friends and family, a support group, herbs and supplements, lifestyle changes, and even medications. I discuss fear and anxiety coping skills at length in my new book, Climate Cure.
Using our awareness and critical thinking to determine if our reaction is in response to something real—or if we merely need to wait to determine the facts—can help us re-frame our experience and beliefs according to reality. How is this practical, you might ask? Say your boyfriend is out all night and doesn’t come home. You feel afraid. Maybe you’re afraid that he is out with another woman. Maybe you become angry in response to your fear that he’s cheating on you. If you react to your fear and anger and smash all his belongings, or yell at him, and then later discover that in fact he had a car wreck, you might have some amends to make to heal the consequences of your reactions! Good thinking, reflection, good communication, and reality-checking matter.
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