In Santa Barbara a few days ago I had a deep heart to heart with a dear friend of many years. Her beliefs differ drastically from mine. She doesn’t like or think we need masks (I nicknamed mine and love it), won’t get the Covid stick, and isn’t sure climate change is a thing.
Yet we sat together and I found it easy to listen and take in her views without being upset. In fact, my heart sort of broke open and while she was sharing I noticed her stress, her deep concern, her confusion, her pain, her grief, her sincerity to live well. And my heart kinda broke open and I was just filled with compassion.
I walked away from our meeting renewed, with love in my heart, and it was so refreshing, especially in contrast with the often bitter debates we have here on Facebook. Previous to this I ran into a previous friend in town who has stridently opposing views to mine, and I told him I wanted to bury the hatchet and be peaceable with him.
Both these encounters have shifted my stance, or better, my stance had shifted already and this was just the out-picturing.
I think the pandemic has been especially difficult on us and exacerbated the polarizations because we haven’t really been able to be in person with one another. I find it so much easier to accept those with radically different views than I when I am with them in person. It seems our humanity and an unconditional regard flows in that live meeting.
This isn’t to say that I don’t feel pain, confusion, grief, and anger about the faction of our society that has jumped the shark. I just feel our polarization has been exacerbated by the isolation of Covid (and no, I don’t think lockdown should have been different, I’m just describing an unfortunate consequence).
After sharing so much about what I think to be the facts, and seeing how few care to listen, a beginner’s mind newness is upon me as I reflect on the experiences with my two friends who m I found it easy to accept and make peace with. When I humanize with their angst, it’s the same angst I feel, it certainly seems we’re all doing the best we can.
So, the question I am open to is how do I genuinely love and abide others with different beliefs than I—that in my view are contributing to unnecessary suffering via their actions? Love, somehow, seems the only option left.
