On Taking Things Personally

On Taking Things Personally

When I was in the depths of my shadow and core wound work many years ago, I took the message of this meme to an extreme, for the purpose of overturning every inner stone I could. I took everything personally so that I could examine as many of my defunct patterns as...
Grief Work: Essential Wisdom

Grief Work: Essential Wisdom

When I work with people who need help dealing with unprocessed loss, I virtually never try to “get them to grieve.” Our culture is particularly incompetent at receiving nuance at a deep level, especially emotion, and especially difficult emotion....
Being Transformed

Being Transformed

We don’t “transform” emotional pain. Rather, we are transformed “by” it. It’s not a mechanical process; it’s an alchemical one that begins with receiving that pain. Believing that we transform emotional pain is a patriarchal, fix-it paradigm....
Needs and Neediness

Needs and Neediness

There are needs . . . and there is neediness. Everyone needs connection with others. But when unmet childhood needs spill into adult relating, neediness arises. It has a different flavor than adult need fulfillment. To me it feels like excessive clinginess to the...